Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Bottle Fed Men

There are some basic truths in this world. Of course, nothing is 100%, because there are always exceptions. But in this case the basic truth is around 99%. After thoughtful and careful study, it seems to me that bottle fed men, in general, are more sophisticated, socially useful and intelligent. It all revolves around imprinting. It seems that a duck or a goose or anything else that has to do with an egg thinks the first thing it sees is its’ mother. What happens if something goes wrong???? Let’s look at breast fed men for example. Men come out of the birth canal as blind as a bat. So far, so good. Before some men know what hit them, they, through no fault of their own, are swinging at the end of a humungus breast associating breast and food as one and the same thing. Right then and there the poor breast fed man is being imprinted. It seems to me that if a man is imprinted from birth with the idea that his mother is a giant pendulistic breast he shouldn’t be criticized for what follows. But unfortunately, as we all know, life isn’t fair. Most men, facing these conditions, become psychologically impaired. They think that love is a decent pair of Hooters. There are whole economic systems, such as beer and sports, built on impaired men and their desperate unending search for Hooters. Some of the sisters have a weak spot for those men. Ladies, they’re not a good bet. Breast fed men, desperate for Hooters, cannot comprehend that sometimes the sisters are too exhausted from work, cooking, raising the kids and doing the housework. "Not tonight" becomes a ringing death bell for these men. Breast fed men have feelings of desperation. They invest a lot of energy in trying to maintain a relationship, but these men can only do so much to overcome "Not tonight". Breast fed men start to lose confidence. Self esteem / self worth becomes an issue. Now, I really shouldn’t try to advise the sisters, but it seems to me, if you are looking for a long term relationship, then the intelligent and logical thing to do is to find a bottle fed man. Fortunately, for the sisters, they don’t have to be put in the awkward position of asking the question on the first date. Just observe.

1 comment:

shyloh said...

Hummmm, and may us girls ask you alex, what are you?


Now this is something I never
thought about before. Next time I am on a date I will observe. One hand goes towards my breast, they get a slap and "I AM NOT YOUR MOMMA"