Friday, July 29, 2005

Extreme Sports

The ultimate extreme sport is the game of business as played in the western world. A group of people form a team to make money in competition with other teams . The players on the team aren’t loyal to the team. The players must find ways to screw their team members while making money. If a player can screw the other players he / she is rewarded points in the form of an increase in prestige, salary and benefits. The increase in prestige is denoted by a title so the other team members won’t get confused as to who is getting ahead. With the title, comes a call for the losers to become team players. This strategy is effective as it obscures the rules of the sport which has no rules. The team players are now obligated to destroy the screwing player’s advantage of a title, salary and benefits. True competitiveness demands that this action be taken subtly because of the screwing player’s ability to substitute players on the team. Needless to say this means you can’t be a winner if you are substituted. Effective measures for the losers is to work to rule, misinterpret policies and directives, delay implementation and generally lie like hell with a sincere look of concern. The screwing player protects his / her position by not communicating and then claiming the losing players aren’t on the ball. Successful avoidance of responsibility has its’ own rewards. If done with finesse you are marked as someone with potential. You may be rapidly promoted if you can lay the blame on someone else, thereby slowing his or her advancement. On the surface, it would appear that the players would advance forever making millions, however, this isn’t true. Each player’s position in the hierarchy is based on his ability to manipulate the system at that stage. Ultimately, any player will find that he / she has reached his / her potential, but doesn’t have the ability to advance due to lack of ability, bad luck or any other random reason. Looking at the competency to advance situation, one could say that each player has reached his level of incompetence which in time engulfs all members of the organization. Thus the team fails to continue to make money and is eliminated from the tournament.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Project Stages

Management books are only written to motivate the drudges with promises of stardom. Here’s the real poop!!

1. Euphoria

Initial anticipation. Here is the project that will advance your career / make you famous and win you the Nobel Peace Prize. If it is a significant other here is Mr. / Ms. Flawless.

2. Stark Realization

The project is staffed by fools. You’re the only one that has the big picture. The project is under budgeted. If a significant other Mr. / Ms. Flawless isn’t.

3. Universal Depression

The sudden dawning on you that this project could reverse your career and even get you fired. If a significant other, Mr. / Ms Flawless has more irritating habits than the Mr. / Ms. Flawless you dumped.

4. Finger Pointing and Recriminations

Can I get out of this project without damaging my career??? Where’s the poor smuck that I can lay the blame on??? If Mr. / Ms. Flawless, how can I get rid of him / her and still have a plausible reputation??? Can’t my parents see that Mr. / Ms. Flawless isn’t right for me!!

5. Bailing Out

I have to find a reason to leave the project before everyone else realizes it is a ball / career breaker. If Mr. / Ms. Flawless, where’s my "Excuse Book"??? The last time, I told Mr. / Ms. Flawless that I carried a recessive gene for antisocial / unpredictable behaviour. It worked.

6. Depression

My timing got all screwed up. Everyone jumped before me. I look like I’m not a team player. Mr. / Ms. Flawless told me that he / she loves me and understands me. God, can’t I get anything right??? Where’s my meth???

7. Denying that you were there.

I’m beginning to see and hear things. My psychiatrist says that I imagined the Project. Mr. / Ms. Flawless was only a "friend". You can’t expect me to remember everything I said to you in the heat of a few malfunctioning hormones.

8. If 7 fails maintain that you were a minor functionary in a meaningless clerical function.

Geez!!! Someone else has me targeted as the smuck. Everyone conveniently forgets that they never accepted any of suggestions. What the hell is my signature doing on that piece of paper??? I was just signing what I was told to sign!! If Mr. / Ms. Flawless, I didn’t realize I was signing for a new house. I thought you were kidding me!!

9. If in danger of being investigated / called to testify stoutly maintain your health will rapidly deteriorate.

My health is shot. Here are umpteen doctor’s reports. I was damn lucky I survived to the end of the examinations. If Mr./Ms. Flawless, I was too sick to realize what was going on!!

10. If all else fails maintain your short / long term memory no longer functions.

Glue mouth shut with Krazy Glue. Develop a quizzical look. Maintain a blank persona!! Pray to various gods for guidance / forgiveness.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Primes & Number Theory

The only known method of calculating Primes is by dividing the number you suspect is a Prime by all the numbers preceding it. If the chosen number is a Prime it can only be divided evenly by itself and 1. For instance 11, 13, 17 and 19 are all Primes because they can only be divided by themselves and 1 without any leftover fractions. There is a new method using Number Theory. Any number that is actually a Prime has 1, 3, 7, 9 in its’ 1’s column. The Primes 11, 13, 17, 19 are an example of this phenomena. Not all numbers with 1, 3, 7 and 9 in their first column are primes. For instance 21, 33, 27, and 99 aren’t Primes. Number Theory is the method for rapidly telling which number ending in 1, 3, 7 and 9 are Primes. You will see if you take the Prime numbers 11, 13, 17, 19 and add their digits you get for 11 (1 + 1 = 2), for 13 ( 1 + 3 = 4), for 17 ( 1 + 7 = 8) and for 19 ( 1 + 9 = 10). If you take the numbers 21, 33, 27, 99 which aren’t Primes you will see when you add their digits you get for 21 (2 + 1 = 3), for 33 (3 + 3 = 6), for 27 (2 + 7 = 9), for 99 ( 9 + 9 = 18). Most things in this universe seem to be related to the number 3. Things, good or bad, usually happen in 3’s. Most discussions have 3 major points. Traffic lights usually have 3 lights, red for stop, yellow for caution and green for go. You are usually given 3 chances to accomplish something. Most people can only remember 3 things on a list. The triangle, consisting of 3 sides, is the strongest form of construction. The people you know in your life can be classified as acquaintances, friends and soulmates. If you organize a speech, tell them what you are going to say, say it and tell them what you said. It would seem, therefore, that there is a high degree of likelihood that the number 3 is involved in the calculation of Primes. Upon examination you will see if you divide the sum of the Prime digits 11 (2), 13 (4), 17 (8) and 19 (10) by 3 11 (2/3), 13 (4/3), 17 (8/3) and 19 (10/3) you obtain a fraction. If you divide the sum of the digits that aren’t Primes 21 (3), for 33 (6), for 27 ( 9), for 99 ( 18). by 3 21 (3/3), for 33 (6/3), for 27 ( 9/3), for 99 ( 18/3). you obtain a whole number. Therefore you will see if the digits in any numbers ending in 1, 3, 7, or 9 when totaled and divided by 3 produce an odd number they are Primes.

To summarize:

All Prime Numbers beyond one column in width have a 1, 3, 7, 9 in the first column. For instance 11, 13, 17, 19 are Prime Numbers. Not all numbers ending in 1, 3, 7, 9 are Primes. For instance 21, 33, 27, 99 aren’t Primes.

Add the digits in the selected number ending in 1, 3, 7, 9. For instance the Primes 11, 13, 17, 19 have a digit total of 2, 4, 8 and 10. The numbers 21, 33, 27, 99 which aren’t Primes have a total of 3, 6, 9, 18

Divide the digit totals by 3. If the number ending in 1, 3, 7, 9 is a Prime the digit total when divided by 3 will be uneven. If the number ending in 1, 3, 7, 9 is not a Prime the digit total when divided by 3 will be even.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Face Space

Everyone tells me to stay out of their face so in order to avoid trouble I have to know the dimensions of a person’s face space. Let’s see. Things, good or bad, usually happen in 3’s. Most discussions have 3 major points. Traffic lights usually have 3 lights, red for stop, yellow for caution and green for go. You are usually given 3 chances to accomplish something. Most people can only remember 3 things on a list. The triangle, consisting of 3 sides, is the strongest form of construction. The people you know in your life can be classified as acquaintances, friends and soulmates. If you organize a speech, tell them what you are going to say, say it and tell them what you said.. Based on this irrefutable logic it seems reasonable to assume that everyone’s space seems to be 3 units in length, 3 units in width and 3 units in depth. I have also been called a square and if you multiply 3 units of length times 3 units of width you get a 9 square units (3 X 3 = 9). So far so good!! It seems reasonable, therefore, that if each person has been allotted 9 square units of face space then 9 has to have some mathematical significance to make the system work. If you take any random number such as 137 for example and add it’s digits (1 + 3 + 7 = 11) and subtract that total (11) from the original number (137 - 11 = 126) and that number (126) is divided by 9 you get a number without any fraction (126 / 9 = 14). In addition the digits of 126 (1 + 2 + 6 = 9) total 9. Most people aren’t two dimensional. Therefore, a 3 dimensional person consisting of 3 units of length, 3 units of width and 3 units of depth (3 X 3 X 3 = 27) has 27 cubic units of space. The digits of 27 are 2 and 7. 2 plus 7 = 9 (2+7 = 9). Therefore, if your friend is a Square his face space is 9 square units. If your friend is a cube his face space is 27 cubic units.