Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Project Stages

Management books are only written to motivate the drudges with promises of stardom. Here’s the real poop!!

1. Euphoria

Initial anticipation. Here is the project that will advance your career / make you famous and win you the Nobel Peace Prize. If it is a significant other here is Mr. / Ms. Flawless.

2. Stark Realization

The project is staffed by fools. You’re the only one that has the big picture. The project is under budgeted. If a significant other Mr. / Ms. Flawless isn’t.

3. Universal Depression

The sudden dawning on you that this project could reverse your career and even get you fired. If a significant other, Mr. / Ms Flawless has more irritating habits than the Mr. / Ms. Flawless you dumped.

4. Finger Pointing and Recriminations

Can I get out of this project without damaging my career??? Where’s the poor smuck that I can lay the blame on??? If Mr. / Ms. Flawless, how can I get rid of him / her and still have a plausible reputation??? Can’t my parents see that Mr. / Ms. Flawless isn’t right for me!!

5. Bailing Out

I have to find a reason to leave the project before everyone else realizes it is a ball / career breaker. If Mr. / Ms. Flawless, where’s my "Excuse Book"??? The last time, I told Mr. / Ms. Flawless that I carried a recessive gene for antisocial / unpredictable behaviour. It worked.

6. Depression

My timing got all screwed up. Everyone jumped before me. I look like I’m not a team player. Mr. / Ms. Flawless told me that he / she loves me and understands me. God, can’t I get anything right??? Where’s my meth???

7. Denying that you were there.

I’m beginning to see and hear things. My psychiatrist says that I imagined the Project. Mr. / Ms. Flawless was only a "friend". You can’t expect me to remember everything I said to you in the heat of a few malfunctioning hormones.

8. If 7 fails maintain that you were a minor functionary in a meaningless clerical function.

Geez!!! Someone else has me targeted as the smuck. Everyone conveniently forgets that they never accepted any of suggestions. What the hell is my signature doing on that piece of paper??? I was just signing what I was told to sign!! If Mr. / Ms. Flawless, I didn’t realize I was signing for a new house. I thought you were kidding me!!

9. If in danger of being investigated / called to testify stoutly maintain your health will rapidly deteriorate.

My health is shot. Here are umpteen doctor’s reports. I was damn lucky I survived to the end of the examinations. If Mr./Ms. Flawless, I was too sick to realize what was going on!!

10. If all else fails maintain your short / long term memory no longer functions.

Glue mouth shut with Krazy Glue. Develop a quizzical look. Maintain a blank persona!! Pray to various gods for guidance / forgiveness.


Jane said...

Dear Alex,

My creature (if I may take the liberty) is still very much alive and almost always successfully after several minutes of lolling to his voice coaxes me out into wonderland and unfortunetly the real world. He is Peter. Alive yes but not quite real for his tangibility in physical contact is unkown. Which in a way makes him unfair competition for any mere boy to follow (he is also a poet- I feel the picture captures everything i love about him- I don't know what paper it was from)... Jim Morrison, I believe (though not all) has passed away and left me with just his music and a few wonderful stories, he will always be impossible to compete with ever.

PS Maintain a blank persona - works like a charm in highschool any personality no one likes you, its dangerous ;)

Jane said...

I was more stating the blank personality has being ridiculous... And the fact that something is blank is more appealing then something real... it's crazy but it makes sense when you are in highschool that that would be the thing that would get you by, unfortunately and fortunately for the nonhighschoolers taht know me, my personality and opinionism and beliefs get in the way of ever being blank... Sometimes I am jealous of those who can pull it off and become whatever they want whenever but it's not me and never will be me why strip yourself of individuality?