Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Little Children, Adulation & God

I was thinking about how little children idolize their older brothers and sisters. They are always tagging along and want to do something with you. They are always telling you how much they like you. After a while it generally drives you nuts!!! It suddenly occurred to me that we, as a collective group, are treating God exactly the same way. We idolize him by building great buildings in his honour. We tell him how great he is. We sometimes whine about not getting something and when that fails we lay guilt on him by saying "He has abandoned us". I don’t know about you, but if I was a God I’d be sick and tired of the lot of us by now. I have suspected for a long time that God is getting set to change things and here are a few comments about the train coming down the track. God will direct us. All we have to do is listen and talk to him on a regular basis. Sometimes he won't answer right away and sometimes he will set up a series of seemingly innocuous events to lead you in a certain direction. He will also sweat the details to make things happen like, huh, reaching into your heart where to all intends and purposes you should always remain as mad as hell about something. Don't get antsy if he doesn't reply to you right away. Don't forget God has been around for a hell of a long time and his time scale / future events schedule tends to be longer than what you and I might consider reasonable. If you want to do something don't hesitate to ask him as he might decide it’s a good idea and set it in motion long after you forgot about it and moved on to something else. He also happens to have a habit of not telling you what happened if he needs you to do something in a chain of events that doesn't necessarily involve you directly. He also works on a need to know basis and in most cases "You don't need to know". He also doesn’t need a lot of Generals but there is a need for Privates. So, "Welcome, to God's army!!"

Friday, August 27, 2004

Life Is A Glorified Bell Curve

I saw the Liberty Bell in the United States the other day and it suddenly reminded me of a Bell Curve and Life in general. Let’s see!! Most of us start out as a particle in a sack of water with three square meals a day and the garbage is taken out for us. We float in water which has got to be a pretty neat existence. Finally our little particle becomes a collection of particles in a three dimensional container or in other words a body. As usual in life, people and /or events aren’t satisfied to leave well enough alone and start stirring the pot as in Nature Abhors A Vacuum . The next thing we know our water tank has sprung a leak and some clown has grabbed our softest and most vulnerable part being the head with a pair of monstrous clamps. I suspect this is the basis of men in later life talking about someone grabbing and twisting their balls in some business situation and the ladies getting hot and bothered about breast pulling / fondling / touching. Anyway back to the subject at hand. You are born into a room that isn’t as hot as the one you left. No wonder you want to close your eyes, and cry. Most of us still do it when we can't believe it’s happening to us. The first stage of climbing the Bell Curve is the Accumulation stage. This involves, in the early stages, eating, drinking and pooping into the environment. Next comes learning at school, selecting a mate, career, accumulation of wealth, possessions, friends, ideas, dreams, business mentors. The next and shortest section is what I call "Over The Top." Your job is out sourced, you are unemployable due to perceived obsolescence, sex goes out the door, and your wife / husband leaves you to find herself / himself. The final section is the "Slide". Your body starts to droop, your possession’s importance is proportional to function. You start to notice that a whole lot of people are dying in your age group. Finally it dawns on you that you are getting close to "Out The Proverbial Door" Time. At this stage, you start to wonder if there is an after life. If you believe in God back to the Bible and some heavy thinking. If you don’t believe in God can you afford to take a chance?? I have a recurring dream in which I have died and suddenly I’m in front of God who says "Surprise, I do exist!!!

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Mother Told Me Never To Scratch In Public

I woke up this morning with the horrible thought that Mom gave me a lot of bad advice. One of the most popular bits was to always change my underwear and wash my face. On the surface it sounds like a reasonable request but now I read in the newspaper that too much washing has lowered the immune system and all the antibiotics has created super bugs. Fortunately, I managed to revert to my original state just in time so I’m pleased to report that while no one wants to associate with me for obvious reasons, I’m in good health because most bugs are smart enough to tackle an easier target. Anyway, what really jars my preserves is the fact that mom never told me to scratch in public. On the surface this doesn’t sound like a big deal does it? Well, it seems that life generally goes from the particular experience, such as my boyfriend / girlfriend gave me the shaft, to the general wave, every boyfriend / girlfriend will give me the shaft. In other words from small acorns mighty oaks grow. Mom always told me to shut my mouth and listen so I might learn something. Sounds simple?? Yeah, right!! My whole working career went down the toilet because of mom’s advice. It seems that most communication starts and ends with a motherhood statement such as "Work hard and you will be successful" and /or "Management has its’ eye on you." I also like the phrases " It will be good for you" and "You’ll learn something." or "It will be for the greater good." If I had learned to scratch the motherhood statement I would have known there was a Blarney Stone supporting the motherhood statement in all its’ glory. What fascinates me, is how the politicians / pundits drop certain phrases / words if there is too much psychological baggage or the phrases / words have reached the great unwashed to such a degree that it is impossible to explain it away with a straight face and a sincere demeanor . For instance "Time Portioning" for "We’re always too late." There are also code phrases that are used to disguise less that socially acceptable ideas if spoken plainly. For instance, the time honored phrase "Well, what can you expect??" I also enjoy watching some news stations that repeat some "facts" with a perfectly straight face and with the sincerity that no man of the cloth has ever surpassed even though the facts were proved incorrect long ago. It also helps the "belief index" if it is repeated ad nauseum. It’s a pity that such talent should go unrecognized. Perhaps we could have a rewards program for the media with categories such as "Most believable newscast based on nonsense" or " Best / most Clich├ęs in ten seconds or less."

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Life & / Or Success Needs Lies To Function

Would society cease to function if the truth was known to everyone?? Mothers exhort their children to tell the truth . Children are generally punished if they don’t tell the truth. There once was a line in a movie in which the character says: "You can’t handle the truth!!". It is safe to tell the truth if it can be verified as in "Did you cut the grass?". Adults don’t tell the truth about Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. Since children have absolute faith in their parents does this simple untruth in the guise of tradition subtly teach the child it is okay to lie if it makes people happy?? Most people can’t see their true future in specific terms. If you knew the date, time, and hour you were going to die would you be willing to follow tomorrow’s future events ?? Highly unlikely!! Society, in general, and relationships in particular can’t function in an orderly and efficient manner without lies. Our economy would wither if everyone knew the truth as in "This product is a clunker" and "This stock is destined for the financial toilet". Mankind can only function if lies are told and / or believed. That is the reason that whoever / whatever designed this universe wisely limited our mind to stereotypical thinking based on statistical analysis. Obviously working / looking outside the box is a non starter in spite of its’ perceived popularity in management circles . Our brain works on the principle of pattern analysis or management by exception. If you walk down the street you automatically notice the person that is not conforming to standards whether it be in the physical or mental realm. When you ask someone "How are you today" you want a patterned answer like "Fine" or "OK". You don’t want them to tell the truth and say something like "My wife just left me." "My seven children are on drugs" and "I need $1,000 or my bookie will kill me before 5:00 p.m.." The key to a successful marriage to a reasonably functioning individual is a stereotypical / patterned response to all questions. For instance you always say they are fashionable / handsome, have impeccable taste and have always been the most important thing to you since sliced bread. If you want career success you have to suck up (lie) to your superiors. Your superior is not interested in being reminded of a crappie decision (truth) or his management skills were learned from Vlad The Impaler (truth again). Truth would also lead to mass starvation. If everyone knew the truth about someone they wouldn’t be able to make any money as they either wouldn’t be hired or alternately would be locked up as a future menace to society!! Therefore, it is easily seen that lies and hopefully still bigger, believable lies are essential for true and continuing success!!

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Last Steps To Success

Lets see, Life, Relationships, Shit. What is left??? Oh, yeah Success!! I am thoroughly convinced that the universe is based on strict mathematical principles. You know, the old (1 + 1 = 2) kind of thing providing you are counting in the 10’s system. Personally, I have never been successful in business because I could never figure out what giving more than 100% really meant beyond a motherhood statement like "Study more" , "Study harder" etc. I was staring at the alphabet one day and it suddenly hit me between the eyes!! Here’s what I discovered!!!

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND,

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will pull you up the corporate ladder. You may think that Bullshit and Ass Kissing is a little over the top but when you stop and think about it the human race as a stereotypical group is highly insecure. That’s where Ass Kissing comes in as a confidence builder for management. It gives them a sense that they are on track. Bullshit is a little harder to quantify. You don’t want to appear insincere as that habit is a career breaker. It is best to give it an innocuous name like Better Business Bureau as an example or BBB for short if you want to appear to "belong". Of course BBB can also stand for Bullshit Baffles Brains but that is a story for another day.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

98% Guts, No Glory????

Life, Relationships, Shit!! The more I go through the blogs it seems to me that one of the topics that literally spins most people’s crank was their job. I haven’t a clue about other people’s religion, beliefs, culture so what I’m about to blog is only from my little world and may not be totally accurate because my understanding isn’t complete. Well, so much for my disclaimer!!! The person that seems to have had the worst job in my organized religion was Jesus. I’m not up on the complete story beyond the popular stuff but since I’m plagued with intellectual inquisitiveness with a dose of philosophy thrown in for a topping I got to thinking about who has had the second worst job as recorded by my organized religion. There must be a poor smuck that only came in second and got it in the ear from everyone for such a poor showing!!! Jesus definitely had the worst job because I suspect that God told Jesus exactly what was going to happen and allowed him to remember it after he was born. After all Jesus spent forty days in the wilderness doing something , which may have been asking / discussing the question "Why me??" Question sound familiar???? Anyway back to the topic!! All Jesus had to do was stay the course. At least you and I, unless we are particularly gifted psychics, haven’t got a clue about what’s coming down our personal pipe!! If our life is preordained by God, with our chore being to find it in real life by whatever method that yields bottom line results then it stands to reason that God had to find someone to be the trigger man, for lack of a better expression, to put the Crucifixion of Christ into gear. It sort of reminds me of one of those guy movies in which the boss says to the selected smuck "I need a volunteer for this dangerous mission. There are no rewards, no one will love you, you will probably be vilified for all time, and if you get caught I’ll remain silent and never set the record straight." Who was the smuck who had the second worst job?? Judas!! Just think, no Judas, no betrayal, no crucifixion, no rising of Christ into heaven, no redemption!!

Saturday, August 07, 2004

What Me Abnormal???

I got to thinking about relationships again. Excluding true love which involves the mind meld of two people on a soul to soul level thus creating a soulmate, the most frequent relationship involves the desire to change the other person. Good Luck!! Most changes only involve the external eyeball things like getting them to bath, change their shirt, underwear and pants regularly and to comb / brush their hair to a reasonable standard. In other words the same thing any mother would do to raise a child. Effecting internal changes, like attitude, social propensities, tendency to violence, etc. can only be made internally by the affected person. The problem is most people with a problem don’t know they have a problem. They have always been thus and so and have managed their way through life reasonably successfully. If we realize we have a problem most of us don’t know how to change it. Yeah, I know that statement sounds silly but in reality beyond motherhood statements like "I will try harder" or "I didn’t realize I was doing that" most of us cannot manage an effective change. The basic reason is that we don’t know the source of the problem in our prior life experience beyond a guess if someone presses us. The other problem is that our mind develops certain responses to situations that are similar to our negative prior life experience and that reaction kicks in automatically in response to anything that is remotely similar. Lastly to add to the fun most of us can’t recognize the automatic response when it happens!! In other words our normality is someone else’s abnormality!!

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Stereotypical Willy Nillys

I was looking at a glass of water the other day when my nephew came over and grabbed it from in front of my face. He was doing an experiment on Browning Movement and wanted the water. For you that don’t know, this experiment consists of taking some slowly dissolving blue colored crystals, putting them into a glass and then adding some water in order to see what happens when the crystals dissolve. The result is that the dissolving crystals will totally mix with the water over time and the mixture will be totally blue. It got me to thinking about stereotyping which is getting everyone hot and bothered in my ‘ hood. Everyone wants to be an individual which is okay by me. The fun starts because each of us has a natural curiosity as to why people do things or why events happen as in Life, Relationships, and Shit. None of us can read minds and ½ the time we haven’t got a clue why we do things as individuals. If pressed, we all can come up with a passable reason as to why we did something stupid. The blue dissolving crystals in the glass are something like us in real life. Each blue crystal is darting randomly here and there at all possible speed without any concrete objective as in the Willy Nilly Syndrome. If we don’t know what each individual is doing or where they are located at any particular time we can analyze them statistically. We know that as a group, the atoms of blue crystal will disperse although we don’t know what path each one will follow nor what they will be thinking about during the process. Same with us. If you sit in a park and watch people, each person is rushing around like Willy Nillys yet none of us have a reliable clue as to what the Willy Nillys are thinking in specific terms. We can make statistical guesses for the group as a whole as far as characteristics, attitude, occupations, economic status, potential etc. are concerned but nothing for a specific individual. It seems that our brain is wired for patterns, but hasn’t a clue about individuals as an exception unless we get to know them on a personal level. Kind of ironic don’t your think??? Everyone wants to be treated as an individual but we are all wired for patterns. Perhaps God has a sense of humor after all!!!