Wednesday, April 27, 2005

My Face Fell Off

My face fell off. To make matters worse I can’t remember which face brought me the most mileage. For instance, there’s my management face, my Joe Cool face, my sophisticated / come hither chicky poo face, my sincere / concerned face, my ambitious face, my career face, and my lover’s face which co-ordinates nicely with both my Zoot Suit and my Lizard Lounge / Leisure Larry Suits. I’ve changed faces so many times I don’t know the "real" me. I read somewhere that you should "Know Thyself First". Good luck on that one!!! Do you really know what you’re like when all the facial paint is scraped off??? Fortunately, we can’t read each other’s mind so you can project any image you want. My advice for success is to lie like hell !!! It usually works because most of us are reasonably competent on a day to day basis and if you aren’t too abnormal, eyeball wise, most people will ignore you. Also generalize like hell!! Many a man or woman has skewered themselves by going into too much detail. Maintain that sophisticated, know it all look without saying anything relevant attitude at all costs. It also helps if a man smokes a pipe. The man, sucking up on a pipe, will look sophisticated. Men basically have a way of looking naturally sophisticated and abnormally clever when sucking up. If you get good at sucking up you will go far in the business world because, unbelievable as it seems, your manager has even more insecurities than you since he’s fearful of loosing his leadership position at any moment. A lady should smoke a cigarillo. There is something about ½ mast female eyelids that convey a sense of sophistication and mystery to the average Joe Cool. Eyelids at ½ mast are also practical. They prevent watery eyes which, needless to say, dulls the sophisticated worldly deja vu effect. The only problem is that you should maintain some consistency for your friends. If you don’t, your friends will get confused as 99% of what you are to them is what they can eyeball!! Also avoid blogging at all costs. Putting anything in writing is a potential downer. You’ll have to jump through hoops to spin your words in a logical and sincere way!! Unfortunately, in your panic to fill your blog your writing tends to fill with "what ifs". After awhile, you’ll start to take a thought or theme and explore it to its' Nth degree. This is off putting to your friends. They will start to think that you are losing what few marbles you possess or even worse partaking in the less acceptable social mores. Some will even worry that your personality is falling apart and you’re no longer "normal". When you think about it we're all complex creatures and whether or not what we write is the real "us", who knows, and especially in some cases the writer doesn’t even know because he / she gets fascinated by the words and forgets the "thought". I guess way down deep down under our "face" we are all crazy mixed up kids!!!

Monday, April 25, 2005

Tectonic Time Plates

My posting "How God Pushed Her Pencil" postulated that her favorite number was 137. In my posting "We’re All Groovy" I advanced the theory that 1 dimensional Time had to have Gravity as it was dragging the Universe apart on Tectonic Time plates . These Tectonic Time Plates probably are the root of the Dark Matter phenomena . The Gravity Number can’t be large because you and I wouldn’t be able to move on our tectonic plate. When you put it all together the Gravity Number has got to be 1/EXP(137) or 3.17435854 E -60. There is also another number very close to 137 and that number is 137.035991. This number, 137.035991, is the Fine Structure Constant. The Fine Structure Constant measures the strength with which subatomic particles interact with one another and with light. In other words, particles reacting with particles that aren’t literally resting on the Tectonic Time Plate but dancing above it. Einstein said that space-time is curved which means that the Tectonic Time Plates are also curved. Thus if we take the Fine Structure Constant (137.035991) and divide it by the Gravity Number (3.17436E-60) we get the amount of space curvature of the tectonic Time Plate which is 4.31697E+61. Pioneer 10, launched in 1972 and Pioneer 11 launched a year later is an example of this effect. There is something that is causing them to speed up. The resulting acceleration is tiny, less than a nanometre per second per second. That's equivalent to just one ten-billionth of the gravity at Earth's surface, but it is enough to have shifted Pioneer 10 some 400,000 kilometers off track compared to traveling on a flat surface. The acceleration is caused by the slight downward slope of the space time curvature of the Tectonic Time Plate carrying Pioneer 10 and 11. Pioneer 10 and 11 are also causing eddy currents which are warping the space-time surrounding them.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Is That What It Means ????

English, as a living language, has many meanings. Here is an example of how to read a Personal Advertisement if you are looking for a Hottie!!
40-ish means everyone up to 49++++.
Adventurous means I slept with average nobodies without asking them if they had Aid’s or HIV. Looking means I’m desperate and anyone ugly is acceptable
Beautiful means I’m a pathological liar with a contagious disease.
Smile means I do a lot of pills to control my emotions.
Secure means I’m on medication and wear a Strait Jacket under my Glad Rags.
Feminist means I’m fat and have no discernible personality.
Free spirit means I’m a Smacked Up Junkie.
Friendship First means I’m a retired slut.
Fun means I’m annoying.
New-Age means I have body hair in all the wrong places.
Old-fashioned means I’m not interested in anything dangling from unsecured openings in PJ’s.
Open minded means I’m beyond desperate.
Outgoing personality means I’m loud and embarrassing even when I’m not falling down drunk .
Passionate means I relate best when sloppy drunk.
Professional means that Bitch is my nick name.
Voluptuous means that I’m obnoxiously large and waddle when I walk.

Woe-man’s English
1. Yes means No
2. No means Yes
3. Maybe means No
4. We need means I want.
5. I am sorry means you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk means You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead means you better not
8. Do what you want means you will pay for this later.
9. I am not upset means of course I am upset!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight means is sex all you ever
think about?

Man’s English
1. I am hungry means I am hungry
2. I am sleepy means I am sleepy
3. I am tired means I am tired
4. Nice dress means nice cleavage
5. I love you means let's have sex now
6. I am bored means do you want to have sex now that your headache is gone?
7. May I have this dance means I'd like to have sex with you on the dance floor.
8. Can I call you sometime means I'd like to have sex with you as soon as my girl friend goes home.
9. Do you want to go to a movie means I’d like to have sex with you over the theatre seats.
10. Can I take you out to dinner means I'd like to have sex with you on the dinner table.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit means that I’m gay.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Some New Ways To Choose A Probable Prime

A prime number is a number that can only be divided evenly by itself and 1. The only way to definitely calculate whether a prime is a prime is by dividing it by all the numbers that preceded the number you suspect is a prime. There are, however, ways of choosing the number that you may suspect is a prime before dividing. First of all any number that has more than 1 digit isn’t a prime if it can be divided by 2 and 5. For instance 12 and 15 aren’t primes because 12 / 2 = 6 and 15 / 5 = 3. Secondly, most, if not all primes, end with the last digit being 1, 3, 7, and 9. For instance 11, 13, 17, and 19 are primes. Take any chosen number such as 11 for instance and break it down into its’ constituents remembering that for a potential prime number the number has to end in 1, 3, 7, 9. Therefore 11, for example, can be broken down into (10 +1), (2+9), (4+7), (8+3) . Remove the (+)’s. The numbers are 101, 29, 47 ,83. Test the numbers. You will find in this case that 101, 29, 47, and 83 are all prime numbers. Sometimes these numbers aren’t prime. The difference between a prime number and the next prime number is some multiple of 2. For instance the difference between 137 and 139 is 2. Between 151 and 157 is 6 (2 X 3). Between 181 and 191 is 10 (2X5).

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

How God Pushed Her Pencil

There is an old saying that "The Devil Is In The Details". What this means is that while it is nice to say "I’m going to be a billionaire by the age of 20" there is a main problem as to how you plan to make this statement a reality. Hence "The Devil Is In The Details". One of the more interesting problems in cosmology is the value of Gravity in a layer of Time that doesn’t vibrate because it only has 1 dimension. Nobody has been able to find a value through experimentation / observation. Fortunately, for us, God didn’t simply dump us into this universe without a few hints if we are willing take the time to use the old noodle to figure things out. My posting on "God’s Favorite Number" established that it was 137. I’ve also posted that "This Universe Was Brought To You By The Number 3. The base for the Natural Logarithms is 2.718281828 and Pi is 3.141592654. Both these numbers are "almost 3" and definitely indeterminate because of how they are calculated. In my posting "We’re All Groovy" I postulated that 1 dimensional Time had to have Gravity as it was dragging the Universe apart on tectonic Time plates . To take it one step further Time may be the Dark Matter that we can’t find because Dark Matter doesn’t vibrate which is our usual method of detecting something. Gravity can’t be a big number because you and I wouldn’t be able to move on the tectonic plate. The Natural Logarithm is always being multiplied by itself to come up with a number. When you put it all together Gravity has got to be 1/EXP(137) or 3.17435854 E -60. You will notice that the number 3.17435854 alone is very close to Pi (3.141592654) which is another hint. Both the digits in 3.17435854 and 3.141592654 total 40. If we add (4 + 0) we get 4 and the 4th dimension is Time.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

We’re All Groovy

Most of us know when something involving Time starts and stops. Sometimes we know exactly when and other times we know approximately when. Time seems to move in a straight line in an outward direction in our universe. Time takes energy from existing systems and uses that energy to expand. This is why we are born young in relatively good shape and then grow old and decrepit over Time. Everything deteriorates in this universe over Time. Time must be everywhere because none of us can escape its’ effects. Time seems to have only have one dimension because we can only measure it in terms of starting at one point and ending at another point. Time seems to have gravity associated with it because we can’t escape it. Time being one dimensional doesn’t vibrate because it is missing a vertical dimension in which to vibrate. This fact raises an interesting question. Our galaxies should be falling apart because there isn’t enough observable mass in them to produce the observed spin. There must be something out there that we can’t see and that something is layers of non-vibrating Time holding the Galaxies together. Time Layers are similar to the tectonic plates on earth that carries the continents and oceans around on earth. Einstein mentioned that planets and everything else in this universe warps the layers of Time creating warped Space or Space Time. Thus in the final analysis we are all groovy!!!

Sunday, April 17, 2005


I’m been running around like a chicken with its’ head cut off. Hell, maybe all this activity is equal to success. The next day I get up and start the whole process again!!! It is becoming my life style!!! Unfortunately, besides making me tired and cranky, it doesn’t do anything meaningful for my life. I got to thinking about relationships. I’ve a lot of friends but they don’t do anything for me psychologically. What I need is something for real with companionship and intimacy as well as love as an added "spice". I think I’m ready to lease now and if things pan out purchase later. Maybe a trial run. Now what does the catalogue say??? How do you spell "love"???

Saturday, April 16, 2005

God’s Favorite Number

I have a favorite color which is Lime Green. That color is everywhere in my life including my car and the walls of my house. This realization lead me to think that maybe God has a favorite number which is used almost anywhere in various forms. I reread my previous postings to see if I could come up with a clue. I’ve written about how "This Universe Has Been Brought To You By The Number 3". I’ve also written about how all mathematical calculations and numbers come down to number 9 which is really 3 X 3. I’ve written about how all prime numbers end with either 1, 3, 7, or 9. A prime number is a number that can only be divided by 1 and itself. If you take a combination of 1, 3, 7, or 9 you can make the prime numbers , 13, 17, 19, 31, 37, 71, 73, 79, 137, 139 and 937. If you add (1+3+7 = 11) you get 11 and 11 is the number most mentioned as the number of dimensions associated with this universe in some way. There is a number called the Fine Structure Constant. It’s value is about 1/137.03597. You will notice that about .03597 is added to 137 for this calculation. The Fine Structure Constant is important because it represents both the probability that an electron will absorb a photon (particle of light) and also brings three very important domains of physics together: electromagnetism, relativity, and quantum mechanics. When you think about it, God’s most favorite number has just got to be 137!!!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

We’re All Puppets On A String

Here’s the poop on what happened when the bubble burst creating our universe. Before the Big Bang, there was Pure Time. Pure Time consisted of Back and Forth or Directional Time, along with Space, Force and Energy rolled into a coiled spring. Pure Time, at the moment of the Big Bang, unfurled into layers or strings of Forward Directional Time, and back and forth Space, Force, Energy into our 4 directional universe. Directional Time, Space, Force, Energy became separate layers or strings in our universe with interconnecting ranges and mathematical relationships. We can visualize the opposite direction of Time or negative direction of Time as "yesterday" but can't physically travel in that direction. The "Holes of Creation" didn’t seal after Creation. Pure Time, which is on the other side of the "Holes Of Creation" , allows everything to exist without change and at the same time. Pure Time is the basis of Christianity’s concept of God, Eternity and Heaven because nothing deteriorates and lasts forever. Conceivably anything can exist behind the "Holes of Creation". If our universe was perfect we would have Pure Time which would allow us to be everywhere at once and see everything at once as well as enabling us to go backwards and forwards time wise. This means that as the "Holes Of Creation" were never "sealed" after the Big Bang we have the ability to see behind the open "Holes of Creation" on a quantum level. Any generated "ripple" seen on our side which "penetrated" the "Holes Of Creation" on a quantum level would send "Properties" of the other side's disturbance through to us. We would see these "Properties" as various quantum effects and "strangeness". We can't explain some of the weird effects because some of the foreign "Laws" on the other side of the "Holes of Creation" don't change immediately at the entrance to our universe. The most fascinating part is that we are all living on interconnected layers of Time, Space, Force and Energy. Truly we are all puppets on a string!!!

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

God Has Just Got To Rock

I’ve just finished a pant pant list of all those girls that never gave me a tumble. Even now, they send little waves up and down my spine. I can see each of them in my mind’s eye. Delightful, gorgeous creatures. They just never change over time. God has just got to rock. She has given you and I the ability to imagine anything and the ability to make anything happen in our imagination. Time is funny that way. We know when something starts and stops in Time, but Time never lets anything deteriorate. Everything in Time remains exactly the same. When you think about it maybe that is what Heaven is all about. Nothing deteriorates, and you can be anything, anywhere, even having versions of ourselves doing stuff in the same space at the same time. Time is the only space in which nothing deteriorates. Heaven knows, everything in the space in which you and I live deteriorates. Here we are little pieces of fluff, running around making waves and vibrating like hell. Maybe that is what our world really is, full of various particles , making waves and vibrating for all kinds of reasons .

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Tell Tail Signs

There’s an old adage that whatever goes around comes around. That’s why I generally try to think happy thoughts about everyone because I can’t take a chance. Unfortunately, I goofed. It seems without knowing it, I accidentally offended the "Come Around" God. Any male who has ever chased a skirt in his youth knows instinctively about the "Come Around" God. Many times I’ve said, "Baby, when are you going to ‘Come Around’". Sometimes, with the proper incantation, mixed with a modicum of "sincerity" and "promise" the "Come Around" God answers my fevered prayer. Sometimes the "Come Around" God doesn’t answer. Well you can’t "win" them all!!! Anyway, it seems that the "Come Around" God has taken "advantage" of me. I’ve three daughters that have overactive hormones and now those vile male creatures are scratching at the front door like a pack of rabid hounds. I’m having night sweats in which my dreams end with my screaming "Not With My Daughter You Don’t". Fortunately, I’ve come up with a solution. I’ve rewired the "Love" seat in the living room so it flashes a "Male Crossing" sign in my study. Any male crossing (the line) gets it in the ear. The fathers in our neighborhood think it is a good idea and as a result I’ve been manufacturing these signs in the basement like crazy!! I think I’ll start up a little business. How about calling it "Tell Tail Signs"????

Thursday, April 07, 2005

I Don’t Care What You Say God Is Definitely A Woman

God, of course, can be anything he / she wants to be but as far as our little three dimensional universe is concerned God is a woman. I don’t want to be coarse, but I arrived at that conclusion when I was having a pee. I know you probably won’t agree with me but as Sherlock Holmes once said, "When all other reasonable conclusions have been eliminated, the one remaining, however ridiculous, has to be true". I’m a peaceful person, anxious to avoid conflict, so I’ve developed a fairly good aim with the toilet seat down. I’ve been accused, sometimes, of having a faulty aim but that has been fixed by having a fly engraved on the back of the porcelain drain. Sort of an "aiming" point like a gun target. I also have one of those suction toilets that go "whoosh" when you hit the lever due to a constipation problem. Anyway, I was staring at the toilet rim and it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. Let me explain. In one of my postings I said that God is just like the rest of us in as much as she isn’t interested in doing a lot of work. If you are a man with a significant other you will readily grasp this concept. She uses a basic template which may have different names depending on where it is found and its’ function. For instance, I’ve always been fascinated by astronomy. Astronomy has lots of interesting aspects to it, but the relevant one for this story is the part about us living in a galaxy. A galaxy is chock full of planets, suns and other interesting stuff like asteroids etc.. that travel in a trajectory around the Galaxy as well as orbiting around themselves. The most fascinating thing is that a Galaxy is held together by a gigantic Black Hole that consumes anything it can get its’ itty bitty little hands on just like a toilet bowl. So when you think about it our little earth is resting on a toilet rim ready to roll off at any moment if it gets too close to the Black Hole. In other words you and I are one flush away from a cosmic drain!! Ipso facto, God has got to be a woman because no man has ever had a fixation about cleaning!!!!

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Trust, Love, & Underwear

I’ve been reading a lot of blogs about love lately. Most blogs talk about that warm fuzzy feeling and how if you’re in love you back fill each other’s deficiencies so you both become one as in the words "stronger" and "complete". If you live long enough all your reproductive hormones will go up that romantic chimney along with that warm fuzzy feeling . You can no longer curl up on that fireplace rug because getting stiff from rheumatism is more painful than getting stiff from noxious fluids. Life begins to become routine, expressed love goes out the window and you and your significant other finally have the ability to finish each other’s sentences. The question now arises as to how do you adequately express your trust, devotion, and commitment commonly summarized as "love" to your significant other??? Routine is very important for harmony in a marriage. Communication is also very important in a marriage. Variation is to be avoided at all costs because your significant other will suspect that you’re up to something. True love and devotion can only be adequately expressed through your handling of your underwear. If you have ever done some serious thinking about women you will soon realize that they have a fixation about changing their underwear every day and are forever buying new underwear. Men, on the other hand, have a realistic view of underwear. I mean does underwear really need to be changed when only one side is soiled??? What about using the other side which is undoubtedly clean?? I grant you that if your underwear is ripped you might have to change it in 3 or 4 days but hell, where is your sense of adventure, man???? Soiled underwear is a an expression of a man’s eternal love for his significant other!!! It also provides a readily available topic of conversation when both you and your significant other run out of things to say to each other. How many times has a man been bugged about the length of time he has worn his favorite underwear continuously?? Underwear also expresses filial loyalty to your significant other because all women know that there is nothing more repugnant or alternately more repulsive than dirty underwear in a romantic situation!!! I mean, really, if you have ever watched those sex movies how many times have you seen the woman rip off a man’s underwear???? Usually, if you’re paying adequate attention, you will notice a man’s underwear is usually removed off camera. Need I say more to make my point??? Men are such considerate creatures. Willing to go that extra step to ruin their health for an eternal expression of "love" and "commitment. Men are Gods!!!

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Just Turn The Other Check

I got to thinking about God’s innate cleverness and the fact that things in life aren’t always what they seem to the casual observer. Take God’s son, Jesus Christ, for instance. He certainly wasn’t namby pamby because he threw the money changers out of the temple and died on the cross which wasn’t easy as we learned from a recent movie. I also suspect that Jesus knew exactly what was going to happen which made it even harder. In fact, there is a possibility that Christ’s forty days in the Wilderness was really a discussion with his father as to whether or not this was at all necessary. I mean, haven’t we all had discussions with our father about what he wants us to do in life and what we think we should do???? Acting vs. Business plus wealth for instance??? Sometimes I think God was extremely wise in not telling us when we’re going to die right down to the minute and hour. I mean could you handle it??? After all, there have been movies that have depicted the end of the earth and the invasion of aliens and everyone goes nuts!!! There is something about Jesus that has always bothered me and that was his advice to "Just Turn The Other Cheek". I mean, let’s face it, turning the other cheek seems to be really namby pamby!!! Why not slug the dickens out of the other guy and have all that instant gratification??? Turning the other cheek is the most effective method. Why you ask???? Turning The Other Check really messes with the other guy’s mind. If you add a smile and appear stupid in relationship to the other guy’s anger it really applies the pressure. I mean here we have the other guy blowing his stack, increasing his blood pressure and spending countless hours trying to think about ways to screw you. Something’s got to give and it is usually the other guy’s realization that he is wasting his time and you get to wear him out with no harm to you. Yea, Psychological Warfare!!!!

Saturday, April 02, 2005

String Theory

A philosopher is defined as someone who has lots of ideas but no mathematical ability. A mathematician is defined as someone who has few ideas but does have the ability to move mathematical symbols around in interesting and provocative ways. It could all be nonsense but who cares. Besides it’s fun. The mathematicians have been struggling with something called The Theory Of Everything. The Theory Of Everything says that everything has started from one equation which can be modified to produce an equation for everything in our universe. So far limited luck, so I thought I’d help them out. The universe is based on the number 3 and all mathematic calculations can be reduced to the number 9 as I’ve outlined in previous postings. It is logical because 3 X 3 = 9. The quantum universe is based on statistics. In other words you have an equal chance, statistically, of 3 states of confusion, a yes, a no, and a maybe. Maybe is the illusion that something might have happened but you aren’t sure. Something like meeting a pant, pant girl going down the street who smiles seductively at you whose primary challenge in life is dealing with low self esteem. Did it actually happen or are you hallucinating???? The big deal in quantum theory is Strings. Socially, we intuitively understand strings. How many boys can pant, pant girl string together and make them all vibrate in interesting and provocative ways??? If you do it right you can "make" things. "Made" things "vibrate" naturally at different frequencies. If you have a basic grasp of sex you will intuitively understand this concept. Strings, like good dimensionless sex, seems to go on forever. Like man, Time stops, a concept that gets mathematicians and physicists "excited". Pant, pant girl can join her boy toy "strings" and make "waves". Each boy toy can be "measured" and his "position" determined statistically as long as you don’t "touch" anything. It seems that "touching" throws off everything and leads to inaccurate results. Since mathematicians are a dignified bunch they have renamed this approach "particle physics". Isn’t String Theory wonderful????