Sunday, April 24, 2005

Is That What It Means ????

English, as a living language, has many meanings. Here is an example of how to read a Personal Advertisement if you are looking for a Hottie!!
40-ish means everyone up to 49++++.
Adventurous means I slept with average nobodies without asking them if they had Aid’s or HIV. Looking means I’m desperate and anyone ugly is acceptable
Beautiful means I’m a pathological liar with a contagious disease.
Smile means I do a lot of pills to control my emotions.
Secure means I’m on medication and wear a Strait Jacket under my Glad Rags.
Feminist means I’m fat and have no discernible personality.
Free spirit means I’m a Smacked Up Junkie.
Friendship First means I’m a retired slut.
Fun means I’m annoying.
New-Age means I have body hair in all the wrong places.
Old-fashioned means I’m not interested in anything dangling from unsecured openings in PJ’s.
Open minded means I’m beyond desperate.
Outgoing personality means I’m loud and embarrassing even when I’m not falling down drunk .
Passionate means I relate best when sloppy drunk.
Professional means that Bitch is my nick name.
Voluptuous means that I’m obnoxiously large and waddle when I walk.

Woe-man’s English
1. Yes means No
2. No means Yes
3. Maybe means No
4. We need means I want.
5. I am sorry means you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk means You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead means you better not
8. Do what you want means you will pay for this later.
9. I am not upset means of course I am upset!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight means is sex all you ever
think about?

Man’s English
1. I am hungry means I am hungry
2. I am sleepy means I am sleepy
3. I am tired means I am tired
4. Nice dress means nice cleavage
5. I love you means let's have sex now
6. I am bored means do you want to have sex now that your headache is gone?
7. May I have this dance means I'd like to have sex with you on the dance floor.
8. Can I call you sometime means I'd like to have sex with you as soon as my girl friend goes home.
9. Do you want to go to a movie means I’d like to have sex with you over the theatre seats.
10. Can I take you out to dinner means I'd like to have sex with you on the dinner table.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit means that I’m gay.

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