Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Organized Fumbling

God ain’t interested in doing a lot of unnecessary / repetitive work so here is one of her designs so you and I can fumble our way through life without bothering her!!! All living things have a Soul. All inanimate things have a Spirit. Life is built on patterns. We mange our lives by looking for exceptions to the patterns. If you don’t believe me try writing down / keeping a mental note of why you notice something. Many years ago there used to be a management philosophy called Management By Exception. Little did the proponents realize they were talking about one of the fundamentals of life.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Wrong Headed

There is something wrong headed about life!!! You’re born young, forced to work like crazy to accumulate, then spend like crazy, worry that you’re going to outlive your money, deteriorate over time, get old, stupider than usual and then finally die. All very depressing.!!! It seems to me, after careful and thoughtful consideration, that whomever or whatever runs this universe got her / its’ directions confused!! Now it would seem to me, as an unsophisticated struggler in this life that things would be better going in reverse.

Let’s see:

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

You wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

You start work, you get a gold watch on your first day as a kind of incentive to do well and be successful.

You work 40 years until you're too young to work.

You go to High School, drink alcohol, party, study sex in class disguised as "health education" and chase girls.

You graduate into primary school, forget about sex, girls, become a kid, play and have no responsibilities.

Graduate primary school as a baby educated and prepared for a life of pooping with no further education or education expense required. Also servants readily available and price - less at your beck and call.

Your last 9 months are spent floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions, with central heating, room service, no worries and no bills!!

You finish off as a highly pleasant orgasm.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Statistics and Horoscopes

Statistics and horoscopes are the same kettle of fish. Both disciplines are an attempt to explain what is most likely to happen. We cannot read each other's mind so the next best thing is organizing our life experiences statistically or horoscopically so we have a reasonable chance of personal survival / understanding on a most likely to happen basis. Statistics and horoscopes are just a fancy way of putting observations / experience down on paper and trying to come to a conclusion. Horoscopes and statistics are just a method of relating our existence to our surroundings. Everything in life, in the pure sense, is statistically or horoscopically based because we don't have all the facts / can’t ever accumulate all the facts, and can't weigh our facts with any precision because none of us can accurately foresee the future on a minute by minute basis. As an example, at night, one half of the world is hanging upside down by their feet but intuitively we are all statistically and horoscopically confident that we know which way is up.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Huh Factor

I sense that everything on this earth has a soul / spirit simply based on the premise that something is going on but heaven knows what. I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out. It all comes down to the simple fact that we don't have the ability (yet) to communicate with their physical form. To keep the concept simple, we can’t communicate with whales / porpoises, dolphins etc.. We definitely can’t communicate with rocks and trees!! I sense that God, in her wisdom, organized everything using a self perpetuating template which was allowed to mutate and be physically changed by humanity / natural forces etc. It occurred to me one day that God, in her wisdom, isn’t interested in doing a lot of unnecessary / repetitive work. Now before you blow me off, just think about this. Most people end up having relationships in one form or another. Sometimes we get cheesed and call the whole thing off. This is usually called irreconcilable differences in our polite, inoffensive world. Basically, it all comes down to a lack of communication or the inability to communicate effectively let alone concisely!! The best example is being married. How many men / women can communicate (intelligently) with their official significant other???? Huh factor????

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Duck Theory

We all live in Slices Of Now. Past is memory, which cannot be changed so pan out the good like gold and forget the grit which will only rub you the wrong way!!! Future is random, and will do what it will do, so chill. Just don’t forget that ½ the stuff you worry about ain’t going to happen and the other ½ which is coming anyway is seldom foreseen!!! Just don’t forget the Duck Theory of Life. Calm on surface, paddle like hell underneath. If you require the equivalent of bicycle training wheels, a paddle may be handy!!!

Monday, October 15, 2007

Insidious Love

Love is definitely insidious!!! It takes a calm, with it, sensible, totally focused, God fearing man or woman who knows which way is up and quite without a bye your leave has you doing stuff that isn't you!!! Then what makes it worse, along comes your heart putting in its’ 2 cents worth and says you aren't to care. Worst of all whatever love is, it makes itself completely enjoyable and fun which is the deadliest condition of all!!!

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Well Jar My Preserves!!!

The Count was right in Sesame Street when he said " This Universe is being brought to you by the number 3!!!". Here are 3 things that are all you need to know about numbers including Primes. For you excitable types, that have been driven dippy about Primes read 2 first!!!

1. Numbers ending in 2, 4, 6, 8 in the far right column ( 22, 34, 56, 48, etc. ) are all divisible by 2.

2. Numbers ending in 1, 3, 7, 9 in the far right column ( 11, 21,13, 33, 17, 27, 19, 49 ) may or may not be divisible by numbers ending in 1, 3, 7, 9. If they are not divisible by numbers ending in 1, 3, 7, 9 in the far right column they are Prime Numbers, which are only divisible by themselves and 1.

3. Numbers ending in 0 and 5 in the far right column ( 30, 40, 35, 45, etc. ) are always divisible by 5.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Hey, Don’t Forget!!!

Be happy, God never said it was a sin!!!

Don’t judge. You don’t know everything about the other person’s life.

Accept everyone. Everyone just wants to be liked, Sometimes they don’t know how. They have to start somewhere and the fickle finger of fate just handed you the can!!

Have fun. Really now, can you honestly take your / this life seriously????

Be nice. In case you don’t know, someone out there thinks you’re nice / loves you even though you’re completely weird!!! There’s no accounting for taste, fortunately!!!

Don’t get mad. You are slightly mad now so why make things worse???

Remember that people aren’t logical. How may stupid things have you done today that you’re embarrassed to explain to anyone????

Don’t forget life is a mystery. Well, you have to spend your time doing / figuring out something. Fun can get booooring tooooo!!!

Don’t forget yesterday is memory so only remember the good parts. Someone tried very hard to do their very best, but still screwed up!!! You may have picked up their torch to hand to someone else!!!

Don’t forget today is Slices Of Now. You can do something nice / worthwhile if you hurry!!!

Don’t forget tomorrow is a mystery. It’s all statistical. Go look up some statistical jokes and you’ll get the picture!!!