## Wednesday, August 18, 2004

### Last Steps To Success

Lets see, Life, Relationships, Shit. What is left??? Oh, yeah Success!! I am thoroughly convinced that the universe is based on strict mathematical principles. You know, the old (1 + 1 = 2) kind of thing providing you are counting in the 10’s system. Personally, I have never been successful in business because I could never figure out what giving more than 100% really meant beyond a motherhood statement like "Study more" , "Study harder" etc. I was staring at the alphabet one day and it suddenly hit me between the eyes!! Here’s what I discovered!!!

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND,

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will pull you up the corporate ladder. You may think that Bullshit and Ass Kissing is a little over the top but when you stop and think about it the human race as a stereotypical group is highly insecure. That’s where Ass Kissing comes in as a confidence builder for management. It gives them a sense that they are on track. Bullshit is a little harder to quantify. You don’t want to appear insincere as that habit is a career breaker. It is best to give it an innocuous name like Better Business Bureau as an example or BBB for short if you want to appear to "belong". Of course BBB can also stand for Bullshit Baffles Brains but that is a story for another day.

jqln said...