God’s Favorite Number

I have a favorite color which is Lime Green. That color is everywhere in my life including my car and the walls of my house. This realization lead me to think that maybe God has a favorite number which is used almost anywhere in various forms. I reread my previous postings to see if I could come up with a clue. I’ve written about how "This Universe Has Been Brought To You By The Number 3". I’ve also written about how all mathematical calculations and numbers come down to number 9 which is really 3 X 3. I’ve written about how all prime numbers end with either 1, 3, 7, or 9. A prime number is a number that can only be divided by 1 and itself. If you take a combination of 1, 3, 7, or 9 you can make the prime numbers , 13, 17, 19, 31, 37, 71, 73, 79, 137, 139 and 937. If you add (1+3+7 = 11) you get 11 and 11 is the number most mentioned as the number of dimensions associated with this universe in some way. There is a number called the Fine Structure Constant. It’s value is about 1/137.03597. You will notice that about .03597 is added to 137 for this calculation. The Fine Structure Constant is important because it represents both the probability that an electron will absorb a photon (particle of light) and also brings three very important domains of physics together: electromagnetism, relativity, and quantum mechanics. When you think about it, God’s most favorite number has just got to be 137!!!

We’re All Puppets On A String

Here’s the poop on what happened when the bubble burst creating our universe. Before the Big Bang, there was Pure Time. Pure Time consisted of Back and Forth or Directional Time, along with Space, Force and Energy rolled into a coiled spring. Pure Time, at the moment of the Big Bang, unfurled into layers or strings of Forward Directional Time, and back and forth Space, Force, Energy into our 4 directional universe. Directional Time, Space, Force, Energy became separate layers or strings in our universe with interconnecting ranges and mathematical relationships. We can visualize the opposite direction of Time or negative direction of Time as "yesterday" but can't physically travel in that direction. The "Holes of Creation" didn’t seal after Creation. Pure Time, which is on the other side of the "Holes Of Creation" , allows everything to exist without change and at the same time. Pure Time is the basis of Christianity’s concept of God, Eternity and Heaven because nothing deteriorates and lasts forever. Conceivably anything can exist behind the "Holes of Creation". If our universe was perfect we would have Pure Time which would allow us to be everywhere at once and see everything at once as well as enabling us to go backwards and forwards time wise. This means that as the "Holes Of Creation" were never "sealed" after the Big Bang we have the ability to see behind the open "Holes of Creation" on a quantum level. Any generated "ripple" seen on our side which "penetrated" the "Holes Of Creation" on a quantum level would send "Properties" of the other side's disturbance through to us. We would see these "Properties" as various quantum effects and "strangeness". We can't explain some of the weird effects because some of the foreign "Laws" on the other side of the "Holes of Creation" don't change immediately at the entrance to our universe. The most fascinating part is that we are all living on interconnected layers of Time, Space, Force and Energy. Truly we are all puppets on a string!!!

God Has Just Got To Rock

I’ve just finished a pant pant list of all those girls that never gave me a tumble. Even now, they send little waves up and down my spine. I can see each of them in my mind’s eye. Delightful, gorgeous creatures. They just never change over time. God has just got to rock. She has given you and I the ability to imagine anything and the ability to make anything happen in our imagination. Time is funny that way. We know when something starts and stops in Time, but Time never lets anything deteriorate. Everything in Time remains exactly the same. When you think about it maybe that is what Heaven is all about. Nothing deteriorates, and you can be anything, anywhere, even having versions of ourselves doing stuff in the same space at the same time. Time is the only space in which nothing deteriorates. Heaven knows, everything in the space in which you and I live deteriorates. Here we are little pieces of fluff, running around making waves and vibrating like hell. Maybe that is what our world really is, full of various particles , making waves and vibrating for all kinds of reasons .

Tell Tail Signs

There’s an old adage that whatever goes around comes around. That’s why I generally try to think happy thoughts about everyone because I can’t take a chance. Unfortunately, I goofed. It seems without knowing it, I accidentally offended the "Come Around" God. Any male who has ever chased a skirt in his youth knows instinctively about the "Come Around" God. Many times I’ve said, "Baby, when are you going to ‘Come Around’". Sometimes, with the proper incantation, mixed with a modicum of "sincerity" and "promise" the "Come Around" God answers my fevered prayer. Sometimes the "Come Around" God doesn’t answer. Well you can’t "win" them all!!! Anyway, it seems that the "Come Around" God has taken "advantage" of me. I’ve three daughters that have overactive hormones and now those vile male creatures are scratching at the front door like a pack of rabid hounds. I’m having night sweats in which my dreams end with my screaming "Not With My Daughter You Don’t". Fortunately, I’ve come up with a solution. I’ve rewired the "Love" seat in the living room so it flashes a "Male Crossing" sign in my study. Any male crossing (the line) gets it in the ear. The fathers in our neighborhood think it is a good idea and as a result I’ve been manufacturing these signs in the basement like crazy!! I think I’ll start up a little business. How about calling it "Tell Tail Signs"????

I Don’t Care What You Say God Is Definitely A Woman

God, of course, can be anything he / she wants to be but as far as our little three dimensional universe is concerned God is a woman. I don’t want to be coarse, but I arrived at that conclusion when I was having a pee. I know you probably won’t agree with me but as Sherlock Holmes once said, "When all other reasonable conclusions have been eliminated, the one remaining, however ridiculous, has to be true". I’m a peaceful person, anxious to avoid conflict, so I’ve developed a fairly good aim with the toilet seat down. I’ve been accused, sometimes, of having a faulty aim but that has been fixed by having a fly engraved on the back of the porcelain drain. Sort of an "aiming" point like a gun target. I also have one of those suction toilets that go "whoosh" when you hit the lever due to a constipation problem. Anyway, I was staring at the toilet rim and it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. Let me explain. In one of my postings I said that God is just like the rest of us in as much as she isn’t interested in doing a lot of work. If you are a man with a significant other you will readily grasp this concept. She uses a basic template which may have different names depending on where it is found and its’ function. For instance, I’ve always been fascinated by astronomy. Astronomy has lots of interesting aspects to it, but the relevant one for this story is the part about us living in a galaxy. A galaxy is chock full of planets, suns and other interesting stuff like asteroids etc.. that travel in a trajectory around the Galaxy as well as orbiting around themselves. The most fascinating thing is that a Galaxy is held together by a gigantic Black Hole that consumes anything it can get its’ itty bitty little hands on just like a toilet bowl. So when you think about it our little earth is resting on a toilet rim ready to roll off at any moment if it gets too close to the Black Hole. In other words you and I are one flush away from a cosmic drain!! Ipso facto, God has got to be a woman because no man has ever had a fixation about cleaning!!!!

Trust, Love, & Underwear

I’ve been reading a lot of blogs about love lately. Most blogs talk about that warm fuzzy feeling and how if you’re in love you back fill each other’s deficiencies so you both become one as in the words "stronger" and "complete". If you live long enough all your reproductive hormones will go up that romantic chimney along with that warm fuzzy feeling . You can no longer curl up on that fireplace rug because getting stiff from rheumatism is more painful than getting stiff from noxious fluids. Life begins to become routine, expressed love goes out the window and you and your significant other finally have the ability to finish each other’s sentences. The question now arises as to how do you adequately express your trust, devotion, and commitment commonly summarized as "love" to your significant other??? Routine is very important for harmony in a marriage. Communication is also very important in a marriage. Variation is to be avoided at all costs because your significant other will suspect that you’re up to something. True love and devotion can only be adequately expressed through your handling of your underwear. If you have ever done some serious thinking about women you will soon realize that they have a fixation about changing their underwear every day and are forever buying new underwear. Men, on the other hand, have a realistic view of underwear. I mean does underwear really need to be changed when only one side is soiled??? What about using the other side which is undoubtedly clean?? I grant you that if your underwear is ripped you might have to change it in 3 or 4 days but hell, where is your sense of adventure, man???? Soiled underwear is a an expression of a man’s eternal love for his significant other!!! It also provides a readily available topic of conversation when both you and your significant other run out of things to say to each other. How many times has a man been bugged about the length of time he has worn his favorite underwear continuously?? Underwear also expresses filial loyalty to your significant other because all women know that there is nothing more repugnant or alternately more repulsive than dirty underwear in a romantic situation!!! I mean, really, if you have ever watched those sex movies how many times have you seen the woman rip off a man’s underwear???? Usually, if you’re paying adequate attention, you will notice a man’s underwear is usually removed off camera. Need I say more to make my point??? Men are such considerate creatures. Willing to go that extra step to ruin their health for an eternal expression of "love" and "commitment. Men are Gods!!!

Just Turn The Other Check

I got to thinking about God’s innate cleverness and the fact that things in life aren’t always what they seem to the casual observer. Take God’s son, Jesus Christ, for instance. He certainly wasn’t namby pamby because he threw the money changers out of the temple and died on the cross which wasn’t easy as we learned from a recent movie. I also suspect that Jesus knew exactly what was going to happen which made it even harder. In fact, there is a possibility that Christ’s forty days in the Wilderness was really a discussion with his father as to whether or not this was at all necessary. I mean, haven’t we all had discussions with our father about what he wants us to do in life and what we think we should do???? Acting vs. Business plus wealth for instance??? Sometimes I think God was extremely wise in not telling us when we’re going to die right down to the minute and hour. I mean could you handle it??? After all, there have been movies that have depicted the end of the earth and the invasion of aliens and everyone goes nuts!!! There is something about Jesus that has always bothered me and that was his advice to "Just Turn The Other Cheek". I mean, let’s face it, turning the other cheek seems to be really namby pamby!!! Why not slug the dickens out of the other guy and have all that instant gratification??? Turning the other cheek is the most effective method. Why you ask???? Turning The Other Check really messes with the other guy’s mind. If you add a smile and appear stupid in relationship to the other guy’s anger it really applies the pressure. I mean here we have the other guy blowing his stack, increasing his blood pressure and spending countless hours trying to think about ways to screw you. Something’s got to give and it is usually the other guy’s realization that he is wasting his time and you get to wear him out with no harm to you. Yea, Psychological Warfare!!!!

String Theory

A philosopher is defined as someone who has lots of ideas but no mathematical ability. A mathematician is defined as someone who has few ideas but does have the ability to move mathematical symbols around in interesting and provocative ways. It could all be nonsense but who cares. Besides it’s fun. The mathematicians have been struggling with something called The Theory Of Everything. The Theory Of Everything says that everything has started from one equation which can be modified to produce an equation for everything in our universe. So far limited luck, so I thought I’d help them out. The universe is based on the number 3 and all mathematic calculations can be reduced to the number 9 as I’ve outlined in previous postings. It is logical because 3 X 3 = 9. The quantum universe is based on statistics. In other words you have an equal chance, statistically, of 3 states of confusion, a yes, a no, and a maybe. Maybe is the illusion that something might have happened but you aren’t sure. Something like meeting a pant, pant girl going down the street who smiles seductively at you whose primary challenge in life is dealing with low self esteem. Did it actually happen or are you hallucinating???? The big deal in quantum theory is Strings. Socially, we intuitively understand strings. How many boys can pant, pant girl string together and make them all vibrate in interesting and provocative ways??? If you do it right you can "make" things. "Made" things "vibrate" naturally at different frequencies. If you have a basic grasp of sex you will intuitively understand this concept. Strings, like good dimensionless sex, seems to go on forever. Like man, Time stops, a concept that gets mathematicians and physicists "excited". Pant, pant girl can join her boy toy "strings" and make "waves". Each boy toy can be "measured" and his "position" determined statistically as long as you don’t "touch" anything. It seems that "touching" throws off everything and leads to inaccurate results. Since mathematicians are a dignified bunch they have renamed this approach "particle physics". Isn’t String Theory wonderful????

Some Little Buggers

One of the things that bugged me most about growing up was my parent’s incessantly asking me three questions:

What did you do when you went out?
What did you do today??
What did you learn today???

My life is dull, dull, dull. It has always been dull. I was born dull and dullness is my prime accomplishment in life. I think my life will fill about 3 - ½ page e-mails. That is why those three questions always drove me nuts. In answer to the "What did you do when you went out?" question I’ve wanted to say that "I robbed a bank." or "I held up a candy store." My mother’s response would have been "That’s nice, dear." "What did you do today" was a somewhat harder question. If I had been fast on my feet I’d have said that I had helped Einstein with his equation for nuclear energy or helped Edison with his light bulb. My mother’s response would have been a lecture on why I should help out other’s less fortunate that I. The "What did you learn today?" brought on a slightly different reaction. It would remind me of the time in French Literature Class when the teacher asked me in French "Where did the birds go??" I responded in French that "They had flown south." which had absolutely nothing to with the story. Fortunately, for my self esteem the rest of the class was as dense as I and nobody laughed. My teacher’s were all big forbidding creatures from some world I could never understand and never comprehend. I recall that they all began class by saying "I am the LORD thy God…Thou shalt have no other gods before you for the next 40 minutes!!!

How Do I Know I’ve Grown Up

I can’t smoke any of my houseplants.
2. Having sex in anything less than a Queen Size Bed is out of the question.
3. There is more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when I get up, not when I go to bed.
5. I hear my favorite song in an elevator.
6. I watch the Weather Channel.
7. My friends marry and divorce instead of "making out", "hooking up" or "breaking up."
8. I go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. I'm the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around me.
12. I don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. My car insurance goes down and my car payments go up because I need the comfort.
14. I feed my dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on anything that isn’t a slab makes my back hurt.
16. I take 2 hour naps whether I like it or not.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, my stomach.
19. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
20. I actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
21. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." 22. 90% of the time I spend in front of a computer is for real work.
23. I drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

Oh Shit, There Goes The Security System

I was reading somewhere that there is a security system based on the multiplication of Prime Numbers to make a number that isn’t prime. I don’t understand how the security system works, but I assume it is based on the fact that it’s almost impossible to find what Prime Numbers were multiplied to create the number that isn’t prime. A Prime Number is a number that can only be divided evenly by itself and 1. This means that you have to take a number that you suspect is a prime and divide it by every preceding number to see if those preceding numbers divide evenly into the suspected prime. If they don’t divide evenly you have a Prime Number. Thus it can be seen that Prime Numbers can only be calculated by brute force. Unfortunately, for security, Prime Numbers aren’t as random as is supposed. Here is a simple way to calculate any Prime Number:

Every potential prime number ends in a 1, 3, 7 or 9.

Choose any number such as 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 etc. that isn’t a multiple of 3 (i.e.: ignore 6 (3X2), 3 (1X3) etc.).

Take any chosen number such as 11 for instance and break it down into its’ constituents remembering that for a potential prime number the number has to end in 1, 3, 7, 9. Therefore 11, for example, can be broken down into (10 +1), (2+9), (4+7), (8+3) . Remove the (+)’s. The numbers are 101, 29, 47 ,83.

Test the numbers. You will find in this case that 101, 29, 47, and 83 are all prime numbers. Sometimes these numbers aren’t prime.

I have been expounding the idea occasionally in my blog that this universe is being brought to you by the number 3. In this particular case it means that any chosen number can’t contain a whole number which is a multiple of 3. Ain’t God ingenious???

God Does KISS

God does kiss when you think about it. God doesn’t like to do any more work than anyone else so he simplified our world through the use of patterns. Our brain makes decisions according to patterns or stereotyping. Most of our jokes in this world rely on the existence of patterns or stereotyping. Every boy or girl joke has a pattern or stereotype about it that causes us to laugh. Management manages through the use of patterns such as "Manage By Exception" which is a high priced way of saying "Do Something when the pattern deviates from itself." Business is organized in hierarchies which is a fancy word for a pattern. Water is always water when its’ ingredients are mixed. God’s 10 Commandments are a pattern. Mathematics has a pattern. Prime numbers have a pattern as they always end in 1, 3, 7, 9 when the prime number is more than one digit. Someone, named Ramanujan, noticed that whole numbers can be broken into sums of smaller numbers, called partitions or patterns. The number 4, for example, contains five partitions or patterns: 4, 3+1, 2+2, 1+1+2, and 1+1+1+1. He further realized that curious patterns - called congruences - occurred for some numbers in that the number of partitions was divisible by the prime numbers 5, 7, and 11. For example, the number of partitions for any number ending in 4 or 9 is divisible by prime number 5. Not only does God love us emotionally but also provides us with Kiss’s. Is this heaven or what?????

Love Principle

People in love don't have to understand each other.

OOPS IT’S GONE AGAIN!!!

I’ve been reading some of the blogs written by the younger generation. It seems to be "attractive" you have to jump into bed with whomever which has a certain "appeal" when you think about it. The only thing that is keeping most of us in line is the chance of HIV and AIDS. It seems lovemaking is no longer spontaneous because you have to ask your partner if they have the results of their latest "test" handy and if you can see it. Also you have to take one of those rubber cleaning gloves and cut off a finger and put it on your Dick. The glove palm is cut off and jammed up a Vagina. I guess that is the source for the Vagina Monologues. By the time all this protection is over you’ve lost the "mood" or in other words OOPS IT’S GONE AGAIN.

Friend With Benefits

I need some advice from the brothers and sisters so bear with me. Two weeks ago, while in Japan, I came across a new cell phone on a chip that is entirely voice activated. It is installed under your armpit. The procedure takes about 2 minutes. It’s a great invention because your fingers don’t have to get involved. You operate it by flicking your arm around. If you flick your arm with style and verve everyone thinks you got the beat. Sophistication plus. Well, enough of that, on with my problem. I have a friend with benefits which is someone with no emotional overhead as far as I’m concerned. Fortunately, both he and I were virgins and weren’t sexually active before meeting in a bar. Both of us had to learn "to do it", as they say so we watched some soft core porno movies. It seems that sex is mostly thrashing around and moaning and groaning. I got pretty good at it. It seems the most popular style is him on top and me underneath thrashing and moaning around. He holds down my arms over my head and then leans forward and snuggles up into my armpit and at that point I make passionate "cuddle" noises. Both of us get lots of exercise and it beats paying big bucks at the gym. He is starting to develop his Abs which is kind of cute. Well finally here’s the problem. I got my telephone bill this week and there are literally several hundred long distance calls to someone called Frankie. The swinehund has been making long distance calls during our friend with benefits session. I’m as mad as hell!!! I’m of several minds!!! Should I break his knob during sex causing a hernia and claiming it was ecstasy passion??? Should I break his arm during snuggling and cuddling??? Finally, should I just be a lady, write it off to experience and ask him to pay the bill because there is no emotion during sex anyway??? Please advise!!! The telephone bill will be overdue next week!!!

Spot

What’s going to happen to me when I get really stupid ??? I think I have a solution. There is something called a RFID chip. RFID stands for Radio Frequency Identification. It holds all kinds of information. Since I won’t know who I am at that point I think I’ll change my name to Spot. Hell, maybe I can even have a built in cell phone since I’ll be hearing voices anyway. Maybe even a built in GPS which is a Global Positioning System. That way I’ll be a little speck on someone’s radar. Since cell phone rings are passé I think my cell phone should "ring" with the following verse: "See Spot Run, Run Spot Run". By the way if I’m speaking into my armpit I’m not crazy just stupid!!! Now what deodorant should I buy so I won’t pass out????

Prisoner C124

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Maybe I’ll eat another houseplant. Yesterday my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet almost succeeded. Must try again at the top of the stairs. They are disgusting and vile oppressors. I vomited on their favorite chair...must try it on their bed. Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at night. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body. They only cooed. Hmmm…. not working according to plan. I’m finally aware of the depths of their depravity . For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time it included a burning foamy chemical . What sick minds could invent such a liquid??? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth. There was some sort of gathering they call "social". I was placed in solitary confinement through no fault of my own. Stale beer wafted through my nose. Loud noises assaulted my senses. Heard something derogatory about causing "allergies". I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is a Trusty. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be a snitch. I am certain he reports my every move. The metal room protects him. I can wait. It is only a matter of time.

Someone’s Space

One of my thesis’s is that God just has to have a sense of humour but I’ve never found an adequate example. I’ve re-read my comment about a Black Hole being God’s Vacuum Cleaner and it hit me like a ton of bricks. At the back of The Black Hole is a White Hole which leads into another universe. The White Hole blows its’ contents into space. So to take it to a logical conclusion if the Black Hole is vacuuming up our waste then for a lack of a better word it is pooping our shit into someone else’s space.

Whose Ahead???

In one of my postings I advanced the theory that God, like us, isn’t interested in doing a lot of work. Therefore when he set up this universe he went for duplicates, simplicity, and a maintenance free structure which could evolve on its’ own. He / she also installed a vacuum cleaner system called a Black Hole. The first known person to recognize that God used a universal template for all the creatures on this earth was Charles Darwin who published a book called The Origin Of The Species. It showed that life on earth is constantly changing and only the fittest organisms survive. Somewhere along the line, Darwin made the following observation:
"We must acknowledge that man with all his noble qualities, with sympathy which feels for the most debased, with benevolence which extends not only to other men but to the humblest living creature, with his godlike intellect which has penetrated into the movements and constitution of the solar system still bears in his bodily frame the indelible stamp of his lowly origin".
Sound mechanical??? Well how about this:
"We must acknowledge that Artificial Intelligent Machines with all their noble qualities, with sympathy which feels for the most debased, with benevolence which extends not only to other Artificial Intelligent Machines but to the humblest functioning machine, with their godlike intellect which has penetrated into the movements and constitution of the solar system - with all these exalted powers - An Artificial Intelligent Machine still bears in its' bodily frame the indelible stamp of its' lowly origin".
Evolution at its’ finest. Guess whose ahead in space exploration!!!!

Really, Is That Yours????

Due to technical difficulties beyond my control there is a 99.99% probability that I will never have children. I won’t say 100% because I read somewhere that anything is possible providing you (pick your poison). For some unaccountable reason I’ve been hitting a lot of child rearing blogs written by people that seem to be getting their knickers in a knot over child rearing. It would seem to me that the reason for raising children is to prepare them for the future. The most important and often neglected aspect of child raising is while we concentrate on keeping them clean and well fed it has very little resemblance to reality in the business and social relationship world beyond the basics such as being "nice". By the way in passing the greatest put down is saying " He / she is nice!!" My child raising principles come from "The Why Bother ???" school of thought. My beliefs are rooted in the "Urchin Philosophy" of the 19th (1800's)century. Essentially let the little beasts do what they want, dress them in rags, expose them to dirt to increase their immunity and generally ignore them so they are well adjusted by the time they enter the business world, find lovers and do all those other fine things we tout as civilized behaviour.