Wednesday, July 28, 2004

What I Learned About Shit From The Compost Heap

It seems to me that Blogs are primarily concerned with the following three things: Life, Relationships, Shit. Shit is that stuff that happens to you out of the blue and is generally considered to be unpleasant. Whether we like it or not, we live in a world where things naturally get worse over time, so deal with it. For those of you who don’t know what a Compost Heap is, it is a pile of shit which you have to clean up. Here are some pointers:

1 Shit smells. Most people generally recognize its’ presence.

2 Shit tends to deteriorate so the smell increases. Your friends will recognize that you are in shit.

3 Shit tends to accumulate. Your friends will ask you what you intend to do about your shit.

4 Shit requires an action plan. Your friends will ask you how you plan to deal with your shit.

5 Shit requires immediate action. Your friends will ask if they can help.

6 Shit tends to stick to other things. Some of your friends will start to avoid you in the interests of self preservation.

7 Shit requires you to get serious. Wear old clothes if you intend to move it. Develop an attitude.

8 Shit has to be shoveled somewhere. If you like to throw your shit, stand up wind so it doesn’t blow back on you. This is important.

9 Shit sticks to everything. Use a Teflon shovel.

10 Shit loves to victimize. At all costs, avoid responsibility. Blame anything that is reasonably believable to the great unwashed.

11 Shit tends to come in piles. Start at the top with the easiest shit. Use it as a confidence builder.

12 Shit tends to keep falling on you due to gravity. Never shovel shit from the bottom or it will fall on you

13 Bury your old clothes covered in shit. Over time, you will forget all about your shit.

14 Think positively. Positive thinking is like an antibiotic to shit.

15 Smile. Smiling allows you to spot incoming shit at a greater distance.

16 Never open your mouth without having your brain in gear. Missed shit tends to come out.


The Mountain Girl News said...

This is an awesome, and very true piece!

So, have you received my email yet? :D

jqln said...

hey, what about science?!

north of the border said...

You crack me up!