Saturday, June 12, 2004

Template Management

In my blog "Who Designed This Place Etc..???" I made a passing reference to how our universe rests on a variety of Templates similar to the Tectonic Plates which carry various parts of the earth’s surface whether it be land or ocean.

Here are the fundamentals to keep in mind for designing your own personal Management Template:

1. First you try motivating your subordinates / children by threats. This is the most cost effective approach in terms of dollars spent. Your working career is assured. If properly done, upper management will applaud your devotion to the bottom line. If children are involved you can apply your devotion to their bottom line.

2. If this is ineffective then you complain to your "peer" group that your workers aren’t motivated in spite of your "best" efforts. A sincere demeanor is a prerequisite at this stage for maximum effectiveness.

3. If nothing is happening in spite of 1 and 2, try motivating them artificially by bribing them with cash. For maximum effectiveness have the specific tasks performance based.

4. If the workers do the work your response is to complain that you have to pay them. Be sure to notify your "peer" group that your subordinates / children are not self motivated.

5. If circumstances beyond your control force you to pay them then complain about their performance standard. Be
sure to emphasize in spite of your personal "standards" you are paying them out of the goodness of your heart. It will endear you to upper Management as a "caring" professional. It will also "screw" your subordinates out of any chance of career advancement. If you are a parent everyone will want to emulate your techniques. If you are really on the ball you can appear on TV as an authority on "How To Raise Hellions". This will also "screw" your children out of any chances to make friends or be successful in a structured environment.

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