Friday, October 27, 2006

Second Rib Resolved

I’m a Christian who has always believed in the Garden Of Eden. In the story, males came first and because we were lonely, we inadvertently asked God to create someone who could be a companion. God essentially said OK providing that the males were willing to give up a rib as a sign of sincerity and good faith. Seemed like a good deal at the time. Anyway, if you’ve ever noticed, we males aren’t a rib short. This fact has always bothered me.

After thinking long and hard about this conundrum this is probably what happened:

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the problem, Eve?" "Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy." "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. "Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "What's a 'man,' Lord?" "This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly aroused. He'll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly." "Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's the catch, Lord?" "Yeah, well.... you can have him on one condition." "What's that, Lord?" "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring...So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first...So, just remember... it's our secret... Woman-to-woman!"

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