How Do I Know I’ve Grown Up

I can’t smoke any of my houseplants.
2. Having sex in anything less than a Queen Size Bed is out of the question.
3. There is more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when I get up, not when I go to bed.
5. I hear my favorite song in an elevator.
6. I watch the Weather Channel.
7. My friends marry and divorce instead of "making out", "hooking up" or "breaking up."
8. I go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. I'm the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around me.
12. I don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. My car insurance goes down and my car payments go up because I need the comfort.
14. I feed my dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on anything that isn’t a slab makes my back hurt.
16. I take 2 hour naps whether I like it or not.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, my stomach.
19. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
20. I actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
21. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." 22. 90% of the time I spend in front of a computer is for real work.
23. I drink at home to save money before going to a bar.